I always knew I'd have to move. I'm almost 31 years old and still living with my parents. If I had my way, I would live with my parents (or at least next door to them) for the rest of my life. It's always been in the back of my mind - moving. We've played around with the idea of it, my dad even goes out with his sister on Sunday's to look at houses. Moving away from our home of over 20 years was something we all knew would have to happen someday but all of us thought we would be the ones to make that decision. No one ever thought we'd be forced out.
A couple months ago we were told by our landlord that our home had been purchased for land value. We have until June 20 to move out 20 years worth of possessions, 20 years worth of memories. Ninety days is a short time, but we've made it work so far. There's still a lot of stuff to do and it just seems like we don't have any time to do it.
There are moments when I feel like I'm in limbo. I have a temporary home, a trailer my parents purchased with intent on moving to a trailer park (more on that in a minute), but at the same time it's not permanent. A trailer park would be an ideal temporary place because we'd have an address, proof that we have a physical place to live. I'll be the first to say I'm not a big fan of neighbors, but it's always nice to be able to trust someone to be on the lookout while you're gone and you're guaranteed that at a decent trailer park. However, all the ones we've called have a ridiculous application process. They either want to come in and inspect your trailer (something you own, so I kind of see it as an invasion of privacy), require you to pay for your own background check (I'm sorry, you want a background check on me you can pay for it yourself), pay extra for any pets you have, or all of the above and more. Who knew finding an ideal place at a trailer park would be like putting in an application for an apartment?
I dream of the day where the four walls I can call my home is on a foundation and not on wheels. This whole process has just been so emotionally stressful and it's all been done while I've got a dozen doctor appointments to go to so I can get my health in check. Every time I see the doctor lately my blood pressure is sky high and I'm pretty sure they're considering putting me on HBP medication.
What makes the move even harder for me is my illness. I do my best not to focus on it because I know that if I'm just "woe is me" every day then yes, of course my mood is going to be down and I'm going to want to do absolutely zero to help out. But with fibromyalgia it's kind of like you don't any have a choice but to focus on pain and/or fatigue. I'll have one particular part of my body that will hurt one day, and be fine the next. I can also go from alert to no spoons in less than a second. The fatigue during the move is the worst, surprisingly. If I'm 100% productive and I've gotten a lot of packing and sorting done and I'm feeling great, the moment I sit down to rest I just want to sleep and I'll be like that the rest of the day and throughout the next. Pushing myself has been tough but I've tried and succeeded about 80% of the time, which is a good average.
I've also got a fibroid on my uterus; I can describe what that's like, but I'm not really ready to get that TMI with the internet public just yet.
Back to the whole reason I'm writing this post in the first place. It's really easy for me to be rightfully depressed about my whole situation (as is obvious from earlier commentary), and even though I have those limbo moments I know that there are people looking out for me, for my family. We're being split up, but brought together in so many ways. I still have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at night, clothes on my back...I am still so much more blessed than most and I am constantly reminding myself of that. Though we still don't know where our final home will land, we've got people offering up their land, their homes, as our temporary space and for that we are blessed.
I was watching tv when I was babysitting the neighbor kids last week and there was a promo for "The Last Alaskans" and this quote really hit home with me. It's a quote that's on my mind now 24/7. I want to write it on my walls, inscribe it on my body, and just say it to every single person I meet because it is that powerful and something that rings true for everyone who is surrounded by people they love.
I dream of the day where the four walls I can call my home is on a foundation and not on wheels. This whole process has just been so emotionally stressful and it's all been done while I've got a dozen doctor appointments to go to so I can get my health in check. Every time I see the doctor lately my blood pressure is sky high and I'm pretty sure they're considering putting me on HBP medication.
What makes the move even harder for me is my illness. I do my best not to focus on it because I know that if I'm just "woe is me" every day then yes, of course my mood is going to be down and I'm going to want to do absolutely zero to help out. But with fibromyalgia it's kind of like you don't any have a choice but to focus on pain and/or fatigue. I'll have one particular part of my body that will hurt one day, and be fine the next. I can also go from alert to no spoons in less than a second. The fatigue during the move is the worst, surprisingly. If I'm 100% productive and I've gotten a lot of packing and sorting done and I'm feeling great, the moment I sit down to rest I just want to sleep and I'll be like that the rest of the day and throughout the next. Pushing myself has been tough but I've tried and succeeded about 80% of the time, which is a good average.
I've also got a fibroid on my uterus; I can describe what that's like, but I'm not really ready to get that TMI with the internet public just yet.
Back to the whole reason I'm writing this post in the first place. It's really easy for me to be rightfully depressed about my whole situation (as is obvious from earlier commentary), and even though I have those limbo moments I know that there are people looking out for me, for my family. We're being split up, but brought together in so many ways. I still have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at night, clothes on my back...I am still so much more blessed than most and I am constantly reminding myself of that. Though we still don't know where our final home will land, we've got people offering up their land, their homes, as our temporary space and for that we are blessed.
I was watching tv when I was babysitting the neighbor kids last week and there was a promo for "The Last Alaskans" and this quote really hit home with me. It's a quote that's on my mind now 24/7. I want to write it on my walls, inscribe it on my body, and just say it to every single person I meet because it is that powerful and something that rings true for everyone who is surrounded by people they love.
"It is said that home is where the heart is. If that is true, then I am home."
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