I’ve become accustomed to routine. I wake up, brush my
teeth, get dressed, take my dog out, take a walk down the hill to my
ex-neighbor’s house to watch the boys for a few hours (whilst enjoying the
benefits of WiFi & cable, hallelujah!), then I’m back up at our temporary home ready
to do it all over again. It’s routine, and it’s nice—for now. I don’t want to
get used to this lifestyle because I don’t want to live this way forever, and I
know it’s not going to be forever but it’s still depressing sometimes, you
know?
I call this place we’re in limbo because of the fact that it’s
not permanent. Our mail gets delivered to three different places depending on
who the mailperson of the day is. It’s either here, our old house, or at our
neighbor’s house because they’ve been generous enough to let us use their mailing
address. I still call them “our neighbors” because they’ve been our neighbors
for so long it’s hard to think of them as anything other than. I watch their
children, give them stuff I get for free/cheap thanks to coupons, they give us
the most delicious food you can only dream of. My birthday was on the 29th
of June and she baked me a red velvet cake (because that’s what I requested),
and decorated it so beautifully.
It was the best part of my birthday because the whole month of June was pretty
much just shit.
The thing I miss most about not living in a home on wheels
is the privilege of taking a shower in my own home, being able to do laundry
whenever I want, and also the privilege to pick and choose what internet
provider we have without wondering if they can give us a modem in a fifth wheel
or not. Some would say they miss the privacy, but I honestly don’t mind; I like
the option of not spending the majority of the day in my room, I didn’t have
that at the other house since we hadn’t really had a legitimate “family room”
for a while. I do miss everyone having their own bedroom though; I’m the only
one with a “bedroom”. I miss the clear and obvious room separation and the
kitchen not being limited to just one wall. I miss being able to use the
microwave without worrying about if I’m going to blow a breaker or not.
There are a lot of “I miss’” but there’s also the flip side.
My mom, bless her heart, has gotten into the habit of fixing dinner at least 3
times, if not more, a week. It’s the one time we get to spend together as a
family, and I cherish that. With no internet connection we’ve gotten to put the
blu-ray player to good use. I’ve been able to focus on doing schoolwork without
any distractions – I’ve been taking a Real Estate class this summer. We finally have air conditioning for those
unbearably hot days when before we’d have to sweat it out and pray we survived.
I get to spend more time with my dog since I bring him inside every night. He
sleeps in the bed with me and he’s honestly the light of my life and the best
part of my morning. I’m convinced that when we move into a real house he’ll be
a couch potato and not an outside dog. The single most best thing about living
life in limbo is that there is a clear and bright light at the end of the
tunnel.
That light is the possibility of renting from my dad’s
sister once she’s done playing around with the house she bought. The only down
side is living outside of my comfort zone –
about an hour away from city we've grown to call home for the past
twenty years – but it’s the only downside. Everything else I can think of is coming up roses. It’s
located in a nice neighborhood, we would be five to ten minutes away from my
brother and my beautiful, beautiful nephew, and a bathroom to call my own. Even
if we don’t end up living in that house, there’s still that bright light
leading us out of limbo. There’s still a home waiting for us to move in and
give it new memories. I have a room that’s waiting for me to decorate it the
way I’m already imagining. There’s a backyard for Lennon to run and play in off
leash. There’s a home waiting for us to give it so much love and that’s what I
look forward to. I look forward to new beginnings out of limbo.
For now though, I’ll enjoy family dinner in limbo with the
ones I love most.
